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Emotional Intelligence

Is This An Emotional Emergency
Alka Bakaya, Senior Instructional Designer, The Business Workshop

Harish was a wreck! The dark circles under his eyes and a throbbing headache told a tale of their own. Any onlooker would have put it down to too many drinks and late night revelry. But the truth was that this is the result of a '20 series of emergencies' at work and more than possible deadlines to meet. To top it all, he wasn't sure his relationship with his wife was going too well. Everywhere he went there seemed to be incessant complaints about his lack of involvement and interest. He had almost begun to feel that being alone was the only sanctuary he had if only this splitting headache would disappear.

Why couldn't anyone look into his private hell and realize that he was suffering? That this seeming self-absorption was a sign of misery, shadowing that constantly nagging feeling that he was a loser. A loser at home, a loser with his wife and even at work, which used to be a haven. Something was seriously wrong!!

He remembered a time when the thought of going to work would have sent adrenaline pumping. He believed he worked hard and played hard. What was this state then? He had heard and read of nervous breakdowns due to stress, surely he was not heading for one?

A seemingly impossible situation to imagine oneself in, or is it? There are times when each one of us feels that we are pushed to the extreme, overwhelmed by the life we are leading. Does that mean we are in an emotional emergency? How do you recognize the symptoms of stress? A simple test is lack of concentration, an inability to stay interested in any project and definitely an enveloping feeling of low well being.

It is not surprising therefore, that this stress would affect every aspect of our lives. Our primary relationships; constant complaining by a spouse or a partner about your waning interest, is definitely an irritant, one that is often dealt with by laying the blame squarely on his or her shoulders. But stop to think! How would it be if I were to say that you are stuck with a whiner and a nag? I am pretty certain that most people would immediately jump to their spouses defense, arguing that they aren't so, and feeling peeved that an outsider is passing a judgment on their deposition. Then perhaps the truth lies somewhere in between! You must have lost interest or been distracted for them to be worried.

Obviously you will carry this unhappiness to work. The fact that you are unable to find peace at home will create stress at work. As a result your performance will suffer. It is no surprise that the pressures at work don't make it easy for a person to perform. At that point a human being who is already stressed out is at a disadvantage. The anxiety that you feel does not help in improving performance. In fact it only adds to the fear of losing in the rat race and lowers your self-esteem further. This poorly feeling can only cause further deterioration in your self worth!

It is well known that the link between the body and the mind is very clear. Unexplained headaches, bouts of panic, increased blood pressure, stomach ailments are classic psychosomatic symptoms. A general feeling of tiredness is the least to expect from your deteriorating physical condition.

Is this the reality for all of us? Perhaps not in such an extreme =fashion but smaller and quieter symptoms are always present. I do know that most of us feel that we could do with a lot more understanding from our personal relationships to help cope with this stress. But why do you assume that another human being will invest that effort in you when you do not even have the time to pay attention to his/her problems leave alone listen to their needs.

However, the first step to dealing with this stress is to recognize the symptoms of trouble long before they lead to an emotional emergency. A common problem that occurs in conditions like these is the overwhelming feeling of everything working against you. Believe me that is usually negative thinking adding to your woes. Therefore, try to separate the thought from the feeling. Recognize the feelings as anger, sadness, frustration, despair, loss or any another that you might be experiencing. These are very different from the things you think of for example, I am a failure or I can do nothing right, or the situation is beyond my control. These are just examples of poor thoughts that complicate the problem. Learn to replace these powerless ones with something that will be possible to work on. For example the situation is bad and I will have to work harder at changing it. This is very different from referring to yourself as an eternal loser.

Once you have identified that emotion you are experiencing it is possible to deal with it. For example to relieve anger you can identify the cause and talk to the person or change the situation. Even if that is not possible at least you can diffuse the anger by giving yourself a positive message rather than a negative self deprecatory one. Or at the least you can use the anger to drive you to better your standards.

Often problems amplify because they coalesce to become one large one. This is easy. Separate the issues. Your problems at home with your spouse are not the same as those at the office with your boss. Your spouse cares and is not an adversary and is probably as needy of mutual love and understanding as you are. If you stop to see you will find them responding to your consideration with an alacrity you cannot imagine. Your boss is not an adversary either. He needs you to further make an impression about his team. He cannot further his career without your cooperation. In fact all supervisors look for smart allies and that is why he hired you.

Once you have taken pressure off yourself, there are other tested ways of reducing stress. Finding time to engage in activities you enjoy, perhaps a much-needed vacation, ensuring you spend time on weekends with family (apart from being relaxing, it also helps reduce guilt!) and making room for exercise. I don't know how many of you have tried Yoga and Relaxation, but these are sure ways of feeling good about yourself. Many of us scoff at meditation and relaxation exercises but the truth is that there are so many avenues to practice these. For example, Art of Living, Creative Visualization by Shakti Gwain, Reiki and Karmic Healing, the list is endless. Feel free to experiment one lives only once anyway in one consciousness, so might as well make it worth your while.

Graphic Done By Alistair

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